Edna Avraham,San Mateo area Family Therapist,Relationship,Schnarch,Passionate Marriage

Edna believes that psychotherapy is about self-acceptance, about making choices, about breaking out of unwanted patterns and about fully developing the potential that we all have to experience intimacy in our relationships.

The therapist's theoretical orientation guides his or her way of thinking about clients' issues and how to best treat those issues. Her therapeutic approach is based on a variety of theories, including Psychodynamic, Humanistic, Object Relations and Differentiation. The Differentiation model was developed by David Schnarch, PhD. - author of Constructing the Sexual Crucible, Passionate Marriage, Resurrecting Sex.In her 20 years of experience she has worked with many couples, individuals, and children using various theoretical approaches. She finds that the Differentiation Model to be most effective in directly getting to the heart of the issues and the dynamics that exist between people.Dr. Schnarch uses Differentiation as a measure of a person's functioning in relation to oneself and others. The following concepts describe some aspects of the Differentiation process that affect long-term relationships:

• Our level of Differentiation determines our ability to define and express a clear sense of our identity in relation to our partner. By "clear sense of identity" I mean who we are, what we think, what we feel, what we want. The level of our differentiation determines our ability to hold on to that clear sense of ourselves even under pressure or in the face of rejection, criticism, or conflict. • Our level of Differentiation determines our ability to "self soothe", i.e., quiet our anxieties, manage our emotions, worries, and reactivities in an effective way. It determines how well we maintain composure, not withdraw or overreact - and at the same time keep our emotional connection with our partner. • Our level of Differentiation determines our ability to "self validate" instead of heavily relying on our partner's acceptance of us and opinion of us. • Our level of Differentiation determines our ability to maintain our moral values and sense of personal integrity. For example, our ability to resist sacrificing our integrity to take the easy way out to avoid anxiety, conflict and disagreement.

The process of developing our level of differentiation is an ongoing life-long growth process. It requires a willingness and ability to tolerate a certain degree of discomfort, to learn to manage the anxiety and to deal with conflict within ourselves and others. This process increases our capacity for intimate and rewarding relationships. Often marital problems present an opportunity to develop a greater level of differentiation, a stronger sense of ourselves, and a more effective way of relating to our partner.Therapy is a relational experience. The relationship that occurs between the client and Edna enables her to use her observations, insights and intuitions as tools to help the client better understand their internal processes and their relationships.

She believes that problems are "messages" ... they are an invitation to examine ourselves and find better ways to interact and to respond in our relationships. In a confidential and supportive environment she can look at what your problems mean to you and how to best achieve your desired outcome.